dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
