Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So here I am, sexting at work.
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