Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So here I am, sexting at work.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
