she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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