He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
