I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
