i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
