Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My liver just had a heart attack.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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