Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
