I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
