I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
