u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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