how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The best revenge is premature balding
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
