better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
