OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize