You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i think i just lost a toe
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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