DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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