talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
