it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
