i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
