NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
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went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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