In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
