Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
