god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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