can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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