we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
