you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
