literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
