I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
