i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize