thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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