thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize