My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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