She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
