I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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