So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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