I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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