I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
