I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
