I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and you said cock pushups were impossible
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
