She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
