Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
