he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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