In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
