hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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