Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
