my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
