So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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