found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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