dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
