your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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