I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
