She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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