walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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