I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
