i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
