Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
