If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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