You're completely useless in the revolution.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
