Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
