Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
