Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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