I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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