i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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