He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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