I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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