This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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