his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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