erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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