So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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