You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
