Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Girls should come with a carfax report
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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