bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
