She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
