i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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