I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
