I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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