You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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